I’m working on an idea (and it’s hard!)
When I look back on my last 7 years in the design industry, the two main things I wish I’d done more of is to:
- Share my work
- Ask for help
So I’ve decided to practice writing about my journey openly and reaching out to others in a similar situation. Maybe one day someone will find comfort in reading this and feel less alone!
What’s happening?
Right now, I’m working on an idea. I believe it has potential to really make a difference to researchers, participants and ultimately the products and services we design.
About 6 months ago, I turned down the opportunity for promotion in my permanent job to go freelance, followed by a role at my dream company, Spotify— to work on this idea.
So far it’s been challenging. It’s uncomfortable, uncertain and completely out of my comfort zone. Money is running out and at any point I could choose to go back and take another job, but I want to go forward. It’s scary. And exciting at the same time…
How did I get here?
A few years ago, my boyfriend and I sat on his balcony one evening in the sun. We were talking about the common experiences I’d been facing at work, how I could make more impact doing the capability side of my job I love and work for myself — he sparked an idea!
This has been a hazy vision in the back of my mind, but I was standing in my own way. In October 2020, I did Lauren Currie’s Upfront Global course — which pushed me to start being more upfront and changed my life at the same time. I set up an Instagram page, started charging for my mentoring services and speaking up for others at work. The following year, I left my job with nothing lined up and took the leap to self-employment.
Since then, my initial idea has evolved into more thoughts, scribbles and visions. I was convinced I’d been in government for too long, so I took a 3 month contract at MindGym, a start-up developing a 1:1 coaching platform. This was fun, but I noticed similar experiences there too.
This story sounds glorified, but I have taken risks. For context, I’d just got a mortgage when I left my secure job without anything lined up. Building the courage to resign involved one sleepless night and scrunching up two pieces of paper. One saying ‘JUST DO IT!’ and the other saying ‘stay and do the principal role’. Lots of people laugh at this, but it’s a good example to show the extent to which I don’t trust myself.
I acknowledge I’m privileged to even be in a position to take these risks too. I have no caring responsibilities, I’m not living with a disability or long term health condition and I work in an industry with lots of demand. So there is some luck involved with the risk-taking.
However, there are things that have shaped my attitude to work and life. I didn’t really have a ‘home’ for 10 years and moved to new cities by myself for work. I never met anyone who spoke like me in meetings and I once didn’t get a job because of my accent. Like most people I know, I’ve worked constantly since I was 14, from Avon rounds to McDonalds and student bars. I was the first to go to uni and nobody in my family has ever run a business. This doesn’t mean I can’t though!
Where am I now?
For a while, I’ve wanted to be someone who when asked about how work’s going, replies “it’s going really well thanks” — but that hasn’t happened often. I think because as much as I love my job, I’ve struggled with boundaries, caring too much and wanting to make a difference when my hands are tied.
I remember Lauren Currie saying something along the lines of ‘you can only complain about the same problem 3 times, before you do something to try and solve it’. So that’s what I’m doing now.
How’s it going?
Most people who know me, know that I’ve always wanted to work at Spotify. It’s popped up a few times, but this time when I came to sign the contract it said something like ‘all ideas, brand names and creations made during the contract (3 months) and up to 1 year thereafter’, belong to them.
As much as I wanted to work there, I knew I couldn’t spend at least another year sitting on this idea and resisting the urge to do something about it. Ideally you’d develop ideas alongside working, but I also knew I needed the time and mental space that full time work takes up.
Disappointed, I took this as yet another sign to grant myself some time off and start working on my own service.
A few things I’ve been overcoming in the process:
- Tying your worth to your earnings — I spent the first 4 weeks or so feeling like I had to overcompensate for the fact I wasn’t earning money. Reminded by family members almost daily ‘have you got a job yet?’ I made sure I was always doing work-like stuff, such as my website, mentoring and building clients. I had to keep remembering that my self-worth does not depend on my achievements, how productive I am, or how much I earn.
- Being uncomfortable with your own happiness and success — Instead of the usual mental exhaustion from work, I ended up tiring myself out physically by decorating my flat. In a way, it felt like I needed to punish myself to be deserving of any time off, or success. (Don’t worry, I have a professional therapist helping me on this part).
- Feeling stuck — I made a plan and started taking small steps each day, but was feeling lost at the same time. One way to describe this feeling is like you want to run, but when you go to step forward you are stuck in mud.
Lately, I’m putting less pressure on myself and feeling more focused. I am still limited with who I can go to for business-related advice, so I’m looking to join communities. I’ve started sending myself voice-notes on WhatsApp — a bit like a journal, as things change daily and it helps to reflect on the journey outside of my head. It’ll be interesting to listen back to that one day, maybe.
Even though I research and test ideas for a living, it’s much harder to apply this mindset to your own work. I’ve been learning a lot about myself through life drawing and my regular singing lessons. How I hold myself back to appear more polished, yet when I let go and trust myself - amazing things can happen. “Perfectionism is the biggest killer of creativity” I saw that quote shared last week and it resonated with me.
Now, what?
- I’ve spent close to 8 WEEKS organising my thoughts
- I’m finally coming out the other side and I’m starting a research project for my new service!
- I’m testing out some live workshops too, in addition to 1:1 sessions
Some other things I’ve done to help are: to-do-lists, mindset shifts, yoga, therapy, listening to CEO podcasts and watching Dragon’s Den (haha).
Things I want to start doing are: taking action, being more open, connecting with others, learning strategies I can use to scale my business and not holding myself back in singing, drawing and work.
I’d love to know:
- Have you been in a similar situation to this before?
- What advice would you give to your former self?
- How did you become unstuck and start taking action on your idea?
You can follow my journey on Instagram @sophieannrankin
If you’re working in the industry and would like to help out with any paid research, please contact me on research@sophieannrankin.com
Thanks for reading! ❤️
